I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
