We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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