drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
