Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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