Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think your dad took our porno
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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