Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
