I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
