we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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