I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
