You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
