If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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