Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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