yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
