If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
