who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize