Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
