whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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