I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
