There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
