he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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