I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
