Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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