You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
