i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
