He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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