i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
