I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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