I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
