my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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