New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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