the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
accomplished twins. life is a go
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
