dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
