drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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