So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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