I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
