I can text with my tongue
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
