You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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