JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
