Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
