I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it hurts more in the daytime
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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