the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
