I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
