You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
