I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
