Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
