I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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