Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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