both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
