ADVERTISEMENT

• (252): View more from North Carolina

  woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  i hope so.

  Fav 18 5723 1710

  share tweet
  

• (281): View more from Texas

  I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.

  Fav 28 4572 1284

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (360): View more from Washington

  Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.

  Fav 45 2271 4231

  share tweet
  

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.

  Fav 10 2973 1413

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.

  Fav 14 2255 806

  share tweet
  

• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.

  Fav 2 958 881

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (563): View more from Iowa

  I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.

  Fav 9 1596 923

  share tweet
  

• (701): View more from North Dakota

  You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.

  Fav 7 785 1958

  share tweet
  

• (515): View more from Iowa

  Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over

  Fav 2 842 631

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.

  Fav 1 680 603

  share tweet
  

• (731): View more from Tennessee

  I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...

  Fav 1 852 444

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (239): View more from Florida

  Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder

  Fav 3 473 173

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore

  Fav 0 37 15

  share tweet
  

• (206): View more from Washington

  somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".

  (206): View more from Washington

  If you find out what that means, show me.

  Fav 0 48 8

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me

  Fav 0 9 17

  share tweet
  

Randomize