There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
