he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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