i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
