Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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