I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
this hospital has no fireball
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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