She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
