my phone needs a breathalizer
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
smell my finger.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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