we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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