I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
