Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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