So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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