Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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