arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
