I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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