Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
