everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
