i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
