Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
