You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
