I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
