Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
